The moral of the story: You can go from fat and ugly to skinny and hot, become co-captain of the cheerleading squad, learn to be a bitch, win Miss Sweet Valley High and snub a sorority. And you can do it all in 150 pages.
Dance: Discomarathon
Synopsis: Jessica promises fatso Robin Wilson a nomination into Pi Beta Alpha. When it looks like she’s not going to make good, Elizabeth goes ahead and nominates Robin herself. Robin comes through on all her pledge dares, including getting Bruce Patman to take her to the inevitable dance. Jessica blackballs her anyway.
My biggest problem with this book is the complete personality change in Robin. When she’s fat she seems mentally challenged (“Ohmigod, Jessica is my best friend!”). Then she gets thin and acts like a robot for a while. When she gets over it, she talks about her old self like she’s a totally different person. Ugh, what kind of character development is that?
While we all love a good story about retribution and revenge, the B story was pretty interesting, too. Lila’s been shoplifting to get daddy’s attention. It all gets straightened out by Liz when mall security gets involved (because even though they don’t like each other, Lila called her first, of course), and everyone lives happily ever after.
Quotes:
It was advice Elizabeth would recall when she encountered another kind of anonymous power – one that threatened to tear Robin Wilson and the Pi Betas apart.
Wow, such melodrama. Were Robin and the Pi Betas ever, you know, together?
No one dared object to a friend of the Wakefield twins.
Oh, no. Of course not!
With her slim body, she’d never suffer the miseries poor Robin had gone through that day at the beach. It wouldn’t hurt Jessica to consider things like that once in a while.
Right, because Liz wakes up every day and thanks her lucky stars she doesn’t look like Lardo Wilson. Until Lardo Wilson becomes Hot Ass Wilson, that is.
She had been awake much of the night, unable to forget her suspicions. Should she confront Jessica about the gifts from Lila?
Really? That kept her up all night? Ah, Liz. You and your damn morals.
“Elizabeth, that’s too much! I’m going to tell Mom!”
Wait, they have parents?
The day after her confrontation with Jessica, Elizabeth decided to make it up to Todd by getting him a special gift for his birthday…She’d get him a really nice new band.
Just what every high school boy wants, a watchband. How special! And how nice of Liz to make up for a fight with Jessica by getting a gift for her boyfriend. What?
“You’re too much, Liz. You know that? You can’t see the rottenness in anybody! She’s the one who blackballed me.”
“Jessica? No!” Elizabeth couldn’t bear for Robin to be so hurt, so disillusioned. “She was your friend!”
Wasn’t Liz the first one to point out that Jessica was only using Robin? Sometimes Elizabeth’s twin worship can be a little much.
“If you never expect too much, you’ll never be disappointed.”
That’s right, Robin. Teach everyone that if they just keep their standards low, they, too, can become beautiful and popular and win contests.
Jessica and the number 137
“Robin can get carried away four hundred and thirty-seven times a day, you know?” p. 14
“She’s taking about thirty-seven extra courses.” p. 16
“And everybody knows we have thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents in the treasury, so there’s no need for a treasurer’s report.” p. 19
“Maybe if she ran around the track about a hundred and thirty-seven times a day for the next five years, she might lose some of that fat!” p. 29
“Oh, my head is going to burst into at least five hundred and thirty-seven pieces!” p. 50
“If I told her once, I told her eight hundred and thirty-seven times that blimps were not popular people!” p. 83
Nothing but the usual hundred and thirty-seven disasters and boring business and politics. p. 123
“Bruce Patman is the jerkiest person in thirty-seven states and Mexico.” p. 124
“Oh, Liz, that nonsense is about seven hundred and thirty-seventh on my list of concerns.” p. 148
February 20, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Is it just me, or does it sort of look like Jess is going to bite Liz in the face? ;p
February 20, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Good call. I always thought it looked like Liz was trying to kiss Jess and Jess was growling in a “don’t even think about it, bitch” kind of way.
February 20, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Ha! I thought the biting thing was cool, but I would have to say that your suggestion is way hotter. Where’s that Girls Gone Wild Guy? Why isn’t he sniffing around this cover and offering the girls a trucker hat or something?
February 20, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Seriously! I’m kind of surprised that guy doesn’t follow them around all the time trying to get them to do a little twin-lovin’ in front of the camera.
May 5, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Um, I think Liz and Jess look cute on the cover! Much better here than on the cover for #31 Taking Sides when they both look like mean girls!
My favorite part of the book? When the new Robin snubs Bruce Patman for shy, quiet Allen. Even better than her triumphing over Jess and becoming co-captain. Sadly all her successes seem to hinge on her weight loss, and sends the message to girls that you won’t achieve any of your dreams if you’re overweight. A big fat zero for healthy body image (um, no pun intended).
May 5, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Yeah, they look pretty rough on the Taking Sides cover. They look way better on this one.
I hate the message that comes across in this book that you can only do awesome things if you’re thin and hot, but I’m also happy she snubbed Bruce for Allen.
July 18, 2009 at 3:38 am
That #37 stuff is weird…
August 15, 2009 at 2:56 am
I’m a little confused…who exactly was the former President of Pi Beta Alpha, and how did Jessica get elected? Could it be maybe the President was Janet Howell, or perhaps Kimberly Haver of Sweet Valley Twins since they were older girls? No attempt was ever made to say who the President was, and after the incident with the Unicorns, why would Elizabeth want to join Pi Beta Alpha? I notice unlike the Unicorns, Pi Beta Alpha was not mentioned that much.
August 16, 2009 at 3:39 am
It also seems like as I read the rewritten version of chapter 4, the Pi Beta Club is turned into ‘a Beautician Club!” Good grief, just reform the Unicorn club, it’s easier and not so lame! I didn’t like how Robin is written as ‘the new bitch in town’, and how she winds up on the cheering squad. The squad is not made for her, it’s like she watched Dallas to get ideas to counter the girl version of JR, and got her hands dirty in the process. Now I hate Robin until book 74.